It’s been so hard to write lately. Every time I think about writing, I end up talking myself out of it. I tell myself that I don’t have the energy to write, I don’t have the right words to write, I don’t know how to capture everything that has happened these past few weeks, I’m too tired…the excuses just keep pouring out of me. Truth is, I’m too scared. I’m scared to write about everything because that means I have to actually process everything. Right now, and for the past couple of weeks, I’ve just been trying to make it through each day. I have tons of thoughts that race through my mind and if I sit down to write everything out, that means I have to face the pain. I don’t want to face it. I don’t want to relive my dad’s death, I don’t want to think about my aunt’s death, I don’t want to think about how dad’s health began to decline and we were left with no other option but to place him in a nursing home. I hate all of it. It hurts. It makes me angry. This is all just too much to process.

Logan ended up going back into the hospital last Friday because he was throwing up blood. Thankfully, after 4 days at Riley, he was able to come home. Thank God for blessing us once again with our perfect baby boy. Of course that just added to the stress of everything I was currently trying to work through. Nothing is ever simple in my life. Apparently it just wouldn’t be Sam’s life if there weren’t three million different stressful things all going on at the same time! I guess God feels that I’m strong enough to handle it all…either that or He wants me to lean on Him harder than ever before.