Blessed. That is the word that continues to run through my mind each and every day as I struggle to function as a mom of four. All of my children are amazing human beings. They are the most amazing people I have ever known. God has given me these four little blessings to take care of while I’m here. And although they fill my heart with joy, it’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

I remember my life without children. Free to come and go as I please, free to spend money on whatever I wanted, and free to work whatever schedule I felt like. Yep, life sure was simple back before I had kids. Who’s crazy idea was it to start a family? Oh yea, mine…

All joking aside, these four little humans are my pride and joy. Although I can imagine what life would be like without them, I’d rather not. I’m pretty happy with the way these mini me’s are turning out.

My oldest son, Masan, has a heart of gold. He cares so deeply for others and loves his youngest brother with a love that I have never seen in any child. I know his heart is overjoyed because baby Logan is alive and doing well. I see the look in his eyes every time he plays with Logan and it melts my heart.

Paige is beyond awesome. She’s my oldest. She’s stubborn and strong willed, like me, creative and hilarious, like her father, and unbelievably organized. She definitely gets that from her dad as well. Her grades are amazing and I never have to get onto her about her homework. She knows what she has to do and she does it. She is my sanity in a house full of boys. She’s my escape when I need some girl time. If I didn’t have her, I’d almost definitely lose my mind.

Aydan. Oh, my sweet Aydan. I could write a book about him. This boy was hand picked by God to awaken my soul. Aydan is my soon to be 8 year old with a heart bigger than the Grand Canyon and a love for God that can’t be measured this side of heaven. Aydan is autistic. Until I had him, I didn’t know it was possible to love a stranger…I mean genuinely love a stranger the way Aydan does. He feels things so intensely, it blows my mind. He is definitely my wild child, my free spirit, my knows no boundaries, gift from God. As amazing as Aydan is, he definitely pushes my buttons. I honestly didn’t know it was humanly possible for one child to say mommy 300 times within five minutes and never actually want something. He’s obsessive and intense, but he will love you without hesitation. He always makes sure that if he has a snack, Masan and Paige get one as well. I know God placed that boy in my life to teach me patience. I fail every single day to be patient with him, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that his kisses and hugs will always ease my mind. His adorable little prayers, most of which I can’t ever make sense of, will always be exactly what I need to calm my nerves in that moment. God knew I needed Aydan and I’m so thankful. Half the time I’m stressed and annoyed but nonetheless, I’m thankful.

And then came Logan. The baby none of us saw coming. This beautiful baby boy rocked my world and turned it upside down. Nothing could have prepared me for what this little ball of cute would bring into my life. God needed a messenger and He chose Logan. I have no doubt that Logan will impact this world in ways we can’t even imagine. Truth be told, he already has. There is something different about him. God saved him, but not before nearly the entire world knew who he was. I have never seen one little baby do so many amazing things. He has brought people to Christ and shown the world that God is still in the miracle business, all before his first birthday. I don’t think the world is prepared for what God has planned for him. I don’t say these things to toot my own horn. None of this has anything to do with me. This is all God. Logan came into this world fighting to survive and spent almost half of the first year of his life in a hospital bed. God chose him to spread His word. For now, I’m Logan’s voice. I’m doing the best I can, but once Logan is able to speak for himself, look out. I believe that God has a calling on his life like nothing any of us has ever seen before. Logan is going to change the world.

Being a mother to four children, two of which need extra care, is exhausting. I’m constantly tired and my nerves are always fried. I’m struggling to keep my head above water right now due to Logan’s feeding schedule and Aydan’s constant need for attention. Most of the time I can’t wake up on time to get the boys onto their buses. The laundry laughs at me as it sits in the basket, knowing I’m too tired to fold it.

I know this season won’t last forever and I know God is moving in ways I can’t even begin to comprehend. So, until the fountain of youth is discovered and the money tree in the back yard decides to grow, I’ll just keep plugging away at this crazy, never dull life I’ve been given, and thank God for my four little blessings.